Non negotiable

I really want that Hotel and home along the Nanyuki- Meru highway, with both overlooking the majestic snow capped Peak Lenana  of Mt. Kenya. As a complementary business, I plan to own a successful tour and travel company. The imagination of how I and my beloved husband will be running these establishments together always makes my heart vibrate with excitement. After all, I was born in Nanyuki so it will be just like me going back home. These are my non negotiables! These are things I want to do and I have to figure out how to achieve them. The “what” is known but the “how” and “when” is where the crank of the matter lies. To be sincere, my dreams feels too big for me to achieve but then again we are told to have big ambitions, those that scare the living heck out of you. Right?

For those of us who have successfully climbed on top of a hill (not an ant or mole hill), or a mountain, we know that it is not a venture for the faint hearted. The D-day is usually planned in advance especially if the climb entails a mountain. It is advisable to get into a fitness and endurance regime in preparation for the grueling activity. The aim is to strengthen the lungs and muscles to reduce injuries and midway giving ups (if at all this is proper English). A few hours to the ascending, anxiety grips climbers as they imagine what it was going to be like as they advance in altitude. There is always this much-know in the car who dishes endless horror stories about what you are just about to do and they usually don’t help much. It may make you to begin to question your preparedness. You may start to doubt your mental status as you punch holes into the thrill of  the adventure.“Am I damn or what? What did I get myself into this time? Who am I kidding thinking I am made to do this? Did I not fail badly at changing the light bulb in my bedroom? Then how am I expecting myself to go even 20 feet above sea level? If I don’t make it, how will I face this gang? By the way, who in my family ever climbed a tree, leave alone a mountain? Would it be safe to fake an illness right now instead of embarrassing myself before my crush and loose getting a chance for a date?” These are examples of internal noises that can talk you out of pursuing a ‘non-negotiable’. The climbing of the mountain or hill is the non-negotiable in this case. When you stand at the foot of the hill or mountain and look at it, you are looking at the thing you want to conquer. The “climbation” is your ultimate goal. Getting to the highest peak, or somewhere close to it will set your self confidence and esteem to another level. In turn, it will give you motivation to set new and bigger goals. If you look at the top three (3) things you would like to achieve in this lifetime, you will be looking at your top 3 non-negotiables so go for them. They are what they are and cannot be easily traded for others. 

Pastor Muriithi of Mavuno Church talks about “deal breakers”, which are similar to the non-negotiable only this time they are with reference to relationships with others people whether in pursuit of a business partnership or marriage. These are the things that will by large cause you to call off a business deal or romantic relationship if they were unresolved during negotiations or dating respectfully. Some of us, when we encounter a situation where our non-negotiables or deal breakers are being infringed, we rather compromise than loosing the deal or person.  This basically means we are not being true to ourselves and we don’t value ourselves enough to stand firm for what we want and believe in.  Gaining and or loosing some is normal for no situation or person is flawless but compromising on the things that you hold dear to you means you do not value yourself hard enough.  It is not selfish to go for what you want.  Getting your cards off the table because what is paramount to you will not be met in the deal or relationship is not an act of cowardice but of self awareness.  Peter K et al., conducted a research by supplying 5,541 single U.S. adults with a list of 17 negative personality traits and asked them whether they would consider them deal breakers in a mate in a long-term relationship.  Neediness, unkempt appearance, humorless, laziness, low libido, insecure to name but a few were some of the traits named as deal breakers. What are yours?

Whatever your non-negotiable(s) or deal breaker(s) is/are, never minimize their importance to you no matter what you encounter.  Do not talk yourself out of getting to the peak of your mountain/hill no matter how high it appear.  Refuse to enter into a relationship with a person who possess traits that are your deal breakers because you are better off alone than with someone yet miserable. Trust your intuition, it usually is your guardian angel talking to you. Keep loving yourself and go for only the best for yourself no matter how long it may take to achieve it. If your climbing the mountain sets you apart from your family members and or friends, then you will be remembered as the trend setter. You will be surprised to see how many people your will courage and challenges to do what you have done.  Be like the eagle, it flies where other birds are afraid to fly giving it the luxury of not competing with other birds for space and prey. Jiamini (trust yourself) and do not put your uniqueness under a shed or in a box to make others comfortable neither compromise to please others.  Flaunt it!.  Confidence and courage is attractive!! I am going to test the “law of attraction” and see if I will eventually attract my non-negotiables. 

There’s a hero if you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul and the sorrow that you’ve known will melt away..

                                                                                                                                                            Maria Carey


3 Replies to “Non negotiable”

  1. Awesome read. Most ladies go wrong here. We don’t have non-negotiables when getting into a long term relationship

    1. Such a great read and yes I am going for what I believe in. I must get to the peak of my mountain. Thank you for your jewels in form of writing.

  2. This is true Janet. We must TEACH our children better. Knowing with clarity who you are, what you want, what you need and going for it is of utmost importance.

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