I ate it up and spit it out; I faced it all and I stood tall; And did it my way; I’ve loved, laughed and cried; I’ve had my fill, my share of loosing; And now, as tears subside; I find it all so amusing; To think I did all that; And may I say, not in a shy way; Oh no, no, not me; I did it my way; My Way!
I wonder what Paul Anka was thinking or feeling when he wrote this song. Did he write it in his early years or his later years? What had he experienced for such thoughts to come to his mind? The lyrics and the melody always gets me each time I listen to it, and I get challenged to think harder about my past and present life. The song inspires me to take my life through a mental theater and perform a surgical operation into its every aspect and ask myself deep yet pertinent questions. I seek to find if I can proudly say that I have lived my life my way or whether I have chosen to take the highway of societal norms and expectations, while fully sacrificing and or ignoring my own preferences.
With Charles, my best friend’s husband, having taken his final bow on Thursday at 2.00 a.m., I am reminded once more of how mortal I am. His sudden departure, without any premonition, or preparedness, it makes me really want to come up with a smart a plan of what would happen to my stuff and body if I died suddenly. That way, my will shall take priority and there will be no guess work or in-fights over who takes what after I am gone back home. And how many people die testate by the way? Other than those whose employers requires them to have an updated will, how many of us stay ahead of the game? We shoot ourselves on the leg by saying that to make a will it is to set yourself up for death. News flash my people!! None of that which has life, human, animal or plant shall come out of this life alive!!Perhaps the attention right now should not be more on asking God why Charles passed away “just like that”. Maybe I should be asking myself if it happened to me, would I go knowing I lived a life with no regrets! Probably the pondering should be zeroed more on whether I am living my best life now! Whether I am doing things my way or their way!
My friend Rosemary calls me today after a few days since our last chit chat and I told her how devastated. It hurt so much that I was that I was not going to be there for my widowed friend. I felt even more helpless when I talked to her daughter who is in another distant location, who cannot travel because of the Corona-virus pandemic. Damn you Coronavirus! Damn you Covid -19! She too, just like me, felt anguished that we were not going to hug and comfort my friend at this time when she needed it so dearly. As we continue catching up, my wisdom tells Rosemary that each and everyone of us has their own coronas that they are dealing with, other than the universal one. YES! they come in different shapes and sizes. At this moment, I have decided to tell my “Rona” to take a backseat so I can first moan the fallen hero and my friend.
Revelation 16:15 15 (“Behold, I am coming like a thief! Blessed is the one who stays awake, keeping his garments on, that he may not go about naked and be seen exposed!”)
But is this how He said He would come? Like one moment you are saying good night to a person and the next you are screaming in panic upon realizing the he/she ceased to exist a few seconds ago? Is this His second coming or will there be some RUPTURE? Will He come from the skies riding on a while horse with sounds of trumpets adorning Him with sweet melodies and harmonies, and a shimmering light blinding our eyes as He descends? Is there anyone with the answer or do we all speculate and make up stories to make sense of this mystery? Are there people who get a wind that their time is coming, also known as premonition? Tutakutilio hivyo tuu? Then that being the case, I pray that I will expire having lived well. By this I mean to “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like I’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.” (Mark Twain). How about you? Let me leave you with some words from the Song “Ugali Sosa” by Man Ingwe to ponder over during this Easter.
Sasa wasee iko hivi, tabia mbaya lazima tutawacha
Tunataka baraka zake Mungu, lakini tunakataa Mungu mwenye baraka
Tunataka tupate uponyaji lakini tunakataa Yesu mwenye kuponya
Tunapenda sana miujiza lakini hatumpendi Mungu mwenye kutenda
Ni lazima tutatubu wapendwa, tubadili mienendo tumtafute Mungu
Ukidharau mambo hii nasema, haki roho safi utachonga viazi