Break the Mold

They said I would never make it
But I was built to break the mold
The only dream that I’ve been chasing is my own…….

Dogwood trees can range from a light pink to a vivid red in winter.  When most trees started shedding leaves in the fall, so does the dogwood tree. However, by mid winter, these gorgeous trees usually defy nature which most trees bow to and decide to give color to the dull winter with their pink or red flowers.  As I marveled at this defiance, I would keep asking whether we were still in winter or spring had come early. I admit am still shocked by this new weathers but to me, it is a part of the many adventures that I purposefully and intentionally allow myself to experience.  When I heard the lyrics of Alicia Keys’ song “Underdogs”, I owned them, word for word.  I am an underdog!!  I believe I have been one for all my life.  Even at 4*yrs old, some people around me believe and treat me like one.  I know some smart ass will say, “I think it is you who thinks that way about yourself”… but Dr. Phil wanna be,  I think sometimes people who feel threatened by you will treat you like that to make themselves fell good about themselves.

As  I was taking a hot shower this evening, I had flashbacks of the many times when people I thought celebrated me literary used words and actions to try to convince me that there was something wrong about how I feel, think and act.  However, I have chosen to think differently about myself. I know for sure I am a force to recon with, and this time I will blow my horn.  After all, it is mine and I am the one who knows how to best hold and blow it. I am the only one who knows how to make sweet soothing music with my horn because it was made especially for my fingers, lips and mind.  I am the only one who knows how to use my horn to make high, medium and low keys which harmoniously make sweet ballads.  I am the only one who knows how to use my horn to its full capacity.  So let me blow it as loud as I can and quit making me feel guilty or boastful or proud. Allow me the opportunity to brag about the skills I got when it comes to blowing my horn.  Perhaps if you quit doing psychoanalysis on me, you will realize there is much you can learn from me and you may be inspired to take up your horn and blow it too.

When God created you and knit you in your mother’s womb, He put in unique and special skills, gifts and abilities in you.  He actually created you with a very clear and distinct purpose.  He is a purposeful God. He has no guess work in what He does.  He gave you a special assignment making you a SPECIAL AGENT for Him.  We were all made from a different mold even though we are all human beings.  Even the zebras look similar but they are differentiated by the pattern of their strips. Talking of zebra’s strips, are they white or black stripes? You tell me. I got no clue… LOL! When we start trying to fit people into our self made molds, we are basically telling God that He did a shoddy job when creating them.  We are telling God that we outsmart Him when it comes to the kind of variety of personalities He creates.  We are telling the person we are vehemently trying to shove into the mold we have crafted for him/her that she/he, that they are not good enough and we know what is best for them. Kwa kweli nyani haoni kundule (baboon does not see its own bum).  Who gave people the rights to try and change others? Where did this need to control come from? What is wrong with me being the dogwood tree that brings forth the beautiful pink flowers to brighten the dull winter.  Why do I have to be like you? Why do they have to be like us? Why cant we just take lenses and try to see how the other person perceives the world? Why do they have to wear our lenses even when they have no eye sight deficiencies? Why cant we all chase out dreams and let others chase theirs without us interfering with them?

The Shack (2017) is a movie I watched last year and Sarayu tells Mack that “eating from the tree of knowledge has made humans think they can judge good and evil, even though their judgments are subjective. These subjective judgments have led to many of the fights between humans.” To me, these fights are both physical and emotional.  When people try to force others into molds they have made for them, that is emotional war.  Some of these molds are poorly done, unfinished, they do not come with a manual, and do not serve purpose other than hurting others and messing with God’s plans.  I know I sound like grumpy old woman to the molders but am sure there is a reader here agreeing with me, especially if he/she has been a victim.  I have achieved much since 2000 when I refused to fit into a mold made by my “former” and in as much as I may have no budges or medals for some of them, I have pride and joy in my heart.  To me, I am a winner and a go-getter and I am aware that to some people, I may be a looser but I D-Double Dare them to try and do the things I have done then we can sit and compare notes. It sometimes make me chuckle and  at sometimes it makes hurts when someone I love and respect responds to a simple question with such aggression to a point am left regretting why I even asked in the first place.  I ask myself why I did not going to my faithful friend google and search for the answer there.  Now that I have had time to sit and introspect under the “Lockdown” orders because of COVID-19, I have decided to quit the TMI (Too Much Information). Whether it will take me twenty attempts to get it right, I trust in my judgement and google search engine.  I am ok with stepping on them landmines until I learn how to tip toe and avoid betting blasted than being treated with disregard. I will constantly break the mold and eventually crash those hands and mold wheels.  I chose Me!! I stand with ME!!

“When I doubt it, Lord, remind me
I’m wonderfully made
You’re an artist and a potter
I’m the canvas and the clay…….” Pat Barrett

The one who has the right to mold you is God.  He made you! He knows you more than you even know yourself (Romans 8:27-37).  So when things get thick, talk to Him and listen when He reminds you how wonderfully and uniquely He made you. Go on and chase your rainbows, go on and reach for the stars and never allow anyone to project their weaknesses on you. Do not be fooled by the lie when people tell you that you cannot make it because you got what it takes to achieve each and everything you set your mind on.  Just because you have been underrated for so a long time does not mean you lost your mojo. The flame is still on, only that it has been covered by the negativity that has been instilled in you.  Everyone has their own shortcomings  and while others strive to overcome them, others try to ignore by criticizing others.  Whenever someone puts you down or tries to show you how wrong you are in the way you see the world, tell them that you are comfortably in your own mold.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

 Whenever I will catch myself wanting to share my thoughts with someone who never shares theirs with me, I will always ask myself, “Njoki, are you looking for validation, acceptance, or acknowledgement by sharing? is it necessary for them to know?” This is because I have realized I talk too much to the wrong people who think very negatively about me.  They want to know my every move, intention, thought which I foolishly moments before the criticism starts steaming down like venom from a viper’s fangs.  It’s like they were just waiting for that moment to pounce on me, then pull a major PhD (Pull her Down).  

To my fellow underdogs, continue to be the dogwood trees and let us show this PhD holders that their machinations will never stop our reggae.

This goes out to the underdog
Keep on keeping at what you love
You’ll find that someday soon enough
You will rise up, rise up, yeah….. Alicia Keys